Summary: "Subject appears impatient, which is completely understandable as we've been in this line for twenty-two minutes and forth-three seconds now. Subject has finally reached the counter... Subject seems to be ordering a... double chocolate mochaccino with whipped cream and... a cherry on top?"
Also posted on AO3.org.
"Subject seems relaxed, possibly drowsing. Leaning to the west to be in the sunlight, very common for sleeping animals. Expression is taking on some annoyance, is he waking or just having an unpleasant drea--"
"Hughes, what are you muttering about over there?" Roy demanded without opening his eyes.
Hughes clicked the tape recorder off. "Just dictating some notes," he said cheerfully, picking up a folder to study misleadingly.
"I'm sure we can find you a typewriter," Roy offered, gesturing in the vague direction of the outer office, where his subordinates were working.
"Oh, no," said Hughes. A typewriter, for surveillance? "Too noisy."
"Quite the opposite," said Roy. "I've trained myself to sleep through typing."
"I'll try to be quieter," Hughes said. He waited until Roy seemed to settle back down, then set down the file he'd held open and clicked the recorder back on. "Subject awoke briefly, but my cover is still intact. Claims to have trained self to sleep through typewriter racket. Useful skill, that..."
"Subject is shaking self awake, putting jacket and coat back on. Seems to be preparing to leave the office, even though it is... eight minutes until the end of the work day. Wild animals often prefer to stick closely to the diurnal schedule, and the sun is setting now. Possibly he works longer days during the summer, although somehow I dou--"
"Hughes, are you coming?" Roy asked, straightening the collar on his coat.
Hughes clicked the tape recorder off and hid it behind his back. "I'll be right along after you. I just have a few things to finish up," he said brightly.
Roy snorted. "Lock the door behind you," he said, walking out.
Hughes pulled the tape recorder out again. "Subject seems concerned with the security of his office..."
"Subject appears impatient, which is completely understandable as we've been in this line for twenty-two minutes and forty-three seconds now. Subject has finally reached the counter... Subject seems to be ordering a... double chocolate mochaccino with whipped cream and... a cherry on top?"
Hughes paused to listen as the barrista read Roy's order back. "Subject's beverage preference confirmed. Forced to live in an urban habitat, the subject has apparently managed some minor domestications, although whether they are to his benefit is questionable. Note to self, have Lieutenant Hawkeye schedule subject a dental appointme--"
"Why, Hughes, I didn't know you liked this coffee shop, too," said Roy.
"Oh, yes," Hughes enthused, clicking off the tape recorder. "They have the best mochaccinos."
"Still working?" Roy asked, gesturing at the device with his frothy cup.
"Sometimes you just have to get out of the office, work on a problem in your own head for a bit," Hughes said.
"Ah," said Roy. "You're not on surveillance, then?"
"Surveillance?" Hughes scoffed. "No. Who would I be surveiling? That's ridiculous."
"So you could come sit with me, once you get your mochaccino?" Roy suggested, eyebrow up.
"I'm afraid I'd be boring company. I really do have to work on this," Hughes said, holding up his tape recorder.
"Ah," said Roy. "Well, I'll leave you to it, then."
Hughes clicked the tape recorder back on. "Subject seems suspicious, but hasn't bolted yet. Short cup of coffee, please--ooh, you have an Ishbalan blend?"
"Subject is approaching his apartment... subject keeps keys under welcome mat, will have to talk to subject about tha--"
"Hughes, I can see you. You're not being sneaky at all."
Hughes froze in the shadows, hiding behind a support column protruding from the wall. "Many animals can only detect movement, not shapes, in the dark," Hughes confided to his tape recorder. "With luck, the subject won't be able to see me as long as I remain still."
"Are you coming in or not?" Roy asked, opening the door.
"Is this my opportunity to capture the subject?" Hughes asked the tape recorder. He shut it off and tucked it away, preparing to strike. He waited until Roy had pushed the door open a little wider, then darted out and tackled Roy into the apartment.
Roy twisted under him, managing to get face up, and tried to kick him. He only succeeded in kicking the door shut, though. Hughes got his knees on Roy's thighs, putting a stop to most of the kicking, and he let go of his grip on Roy's hands over his head, only to rest his elbows on Roy's biceps. With his own hands now free, Hughes pulled out the tape recorder again. "To avoid being cut by the wild Mustang's hooves," he noted, "a full-body tackle, pinning all the subject's limbs, is advisable."
"You are such a loon," Roy said. He bucked and spread his legs, so that Hughes lost his position and came body to body with Roy.
"Subject seems to be enjoying capture," Hughes commented, settling his pelvis against Roy's. Nice. He bent down to sniff Roy's neck, purely for informational purposes, and ended up nuzzling him, knowing his beard would get a reaction. "Subject smells very good."
"Subject smells like sweat," Roy countered.
"I like your sweat," Hughes answered, licking Roy's jaw. Salty and just a little bit sweet, but the sweat was fresh enough not to have soured. Probably just from the tussle and wearing his coat inside the apartment building.
"Ah," said Roy. "Experiencing some animal attraction, are we?"
"Mm," Hughes agreed. "Practically bestial."
"And I'm the 'wild Mustang'?" Roy asked.
Hughes licked Roy's nose. "Yep."
"Hmph," said Roy. "And I suppose this fantasy includes taking my temperature rectally with that finely tuned thermometer, your dick, later on?"
"Mm-hmm," Hughes said happily. "I think there really should be photographic documentation as well--"
"Hughes," said Roy. "Who the hell are you dictating notes for, anyway?"
"Personal reference," Hughes said. "Subject seems skittish about observation--"
Roy jerked up and bit his thumb, making him drop the tape recorder.
"Ow," Hughes said.
Roy grinned up at him. "You're playing with a wild animal. What were you expecting?"